Happy 2015

With 2015 just around the corner, I find myself reflecting on the year 2014. It was a roller coaster ride for me, filled with highs that I never knew in my life. These highs were also accompanied by deep lows spurred on, I believe, by spiritual warfare.

It was a transformative year, though in many ways, it broke me — in the good type of way. I heard a pastor once say that while Christians often talk about brokenness, none of us are actually broken, but instead full of ourselves: of our arrogance, our egos, our, “I know what’s best for me.” He said that the spiritual journey is about God breaking us down, challenging our well-crafted versions of ourselves.

Yet, our egos keep God out, the minister said, and we must learn that we can do absolutely nothing without Him. Faith is trusting in Him, even when our illusions about ourselves fall to pieces, like a house of cards.

This last year, when I was brought down on my knees so many times, I realized that humility and surrender are essential on this path, and that God is in control, not me. And when I surrender to His will, as hard as that can be, amazing grace happens.

Though there have been times of great testing and spiritual attack this past year, the blessings have been enormous. When I started going in the direction that God wanted for me, I felt bliss that I’ve never known before, alive with the joys and sorrows of this human life. Not the temporary happiness of buying stuff or accumulating money, but the genuine joy that can only come when we bend our will to God’s.

And at church, I have felt His Presence like never before, at times, so overwhelming that I cried endless tears. I’ve even had to flee the sanctuary, temporarily, to regain my composure.

Another great blessing for me this year: God sent me several of His kind and caring people to guide me and help me; to be strong for me when I felt weak; and to believe in me when belief in myself felt tenuous. They taught me new concepts, such as reconciliation, the Mystical Union, and the Body of Christ. Their many kindnesses revealed to me the true essence of friendship, family, and Christian love. They have been Christ’s presence on earth for me, and I am eternally grateful to them.

And I’m grateful to you too, dear reader, for reading my blogs and for being my virtual friends over the years, through good times and hard. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for many of you. You helped reveal God to me. And you helped to give me the strength to respond to His call. I pray that all of us have the courage to do His will in the times ahead.

I’ll end here with a few lines from another Matt Maher song, Alive Again.

You called and You shouted
Broke through my deafness
Now I’m breathing in and breathing out
I’m alive again

You shattered my darkness
Washed away my blindness
Now I’m breathing in and breathing out
I’m alive again

Late have I loved You
You waited for me
I searched for You
What took me so long?

I was looking outside
As if love would ever want to hide
I’m finding I was wrong. . ..

‘Cause I want You, yes, and I need You
And I’ll do whatever I have to just to get through
‘Cause I love You, yeah, I love You

You called and You shouted
Broke through my deafness
Now I’m breathing in and breathing out
I’m alive again.


Many blessings to you and yours in 2015.

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